I love these moments in life, where every time you find yourself lost in a thought it feels like hitting up against something, like pushing against a closed door with a toothpick instead of a battering ram. Pushing against what once seemed such stark dichotomies, science versus spirit, writing versus math. What I keep hitting is this: that things which at once seem discordant can be so much the same. I keep discovering beauty where once there was none. I keep seeing the equal sign as a metaphor, a truth I feel like I am coming to slowly, but with more certainty and art than I could ever have imagined in those two little lines. And like the equal sign, there are parallels everywhere -- in a moment that seems at once hilarious and unnerving (what DO I bow down to? Science? Physics?? Jo Ann Beard?) or a state of mind that I can laugh about even as I feel real anxiety. Here is a moment to push back against, to find pleasure in. To live through -- physically, spiritually, truly -- and find some glory in just existing. I know that something will come of these funny emotions, something that might feel like acceptance, or excitement, or that certainty when you know what you're going to do next, but right now, I'm not really waiting for it. Just letting it come slowly is part of this bigger thing, and even when it's awful, it's great.