men & abortion

There's apparently a rising movement, at least based on this Los Angeles Times article, addressing the trauma that men go through after experiencing an abortion.

I don't disagree with the idea that men, too, require and deserve sympathy and counseling when going through the sometimes heartbreaking experience of an abortion. The fallout from an abortion, whether a sense of relief, of tragedy, or simply of a difficult experience survived, effects men, women, and of course the relationships between them. In the real as well as the abstract, support for men in this situation is crucial, and yet frequently ignored.

The problem with this movement, though, is that it seems to be at the expense of women, and has been turned into (or always was, from the start), a religions/political movement, used not to truly help men deal with what might quite legitimately be a traumatic experience, but rather using the male experience to limit the female experience.

And parts of it are just plain silly. One therapist, by the name of Vincent M. Rue, developed a list of possible symptoms caused by the trauma of suffering an abortion, and asks men to fill out a questionnaire. Among these possible symptoms are feelings of irritability, insomnia, and impotence. Fellows, had you been impotent, this would not have been a problem in the first place. Just so you know. And if you feel impotent because your girlfriend / wife / one night stand decided to terminate an unfeasible pregnancy, maybe you should have talked to her more. Or signed a legal contract promising 18 years of child support. Or used better birth control.

Another man, towards the end of this article, waxes poetic about the loss of of two children, by two different girlfriends he inconveniently knocked up years ago. When asked about how the loss of these fetuses may have affected the lives of his former girlfriends, he responded, "I never really thought about it for the women."

What? He never thought about it for the women?? He's out there, protesting in front of abortion clinics, knowing "from the depths of [his] belly" that abortion is wrong, but he knocked up two women, never gave a thought to them, clearly wasn't father potential, at least at the time, and now wants to ban the procedure entirely?

Again, men need support in this, deserve sympathy and empathy, counseling and healing. But acknowledging their role in this experience, in both the instigation of the need and the emotional response to the deed, in no way gives them the right to decree the possibilities.

An abortion is still performed on the woman. And when it comes down to it, no matter the impact something like this has on any group of people, it cannot possibly outweigh the impact it has on the individuals who physically go through it.